she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
My bed smells like the plague
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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