Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
