dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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