So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
