Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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