I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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