i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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