It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Tornado booty call.. dedication
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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