I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Moan for me like Helen Keller
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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