Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
