Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
