So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Even my vagina gasped.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
