Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
