My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Randomize
