he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
