Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
