I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
