Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
