Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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