I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I think my fart just growled at me.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Randomize
