Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
