The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I need to sanitize my soul.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
