I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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