Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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