My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
