The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Randomize
