nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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