just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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