It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
