My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I am naked and annoyed.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
