my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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