Jerry, you need to find god
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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