omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
