I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
