you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
