I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
