after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
