Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
