we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
