this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
