You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
