So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
