i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I want her autograph on my taint
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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