I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
God, you're like boner-b-gone
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
