We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
