ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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