I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm sobbing to NWA
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
