I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
