I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
