Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
