I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
There's always time for handjobs
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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