2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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