i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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