Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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