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I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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